Dan Crohn hops in the sauce this week. He’s a comedian and experienced educator having mentored students in grades K – 8. Those glorious years have given him a wealth of material for his standup routines. Overall, he’s a great guy, someone you might want to get to know; but, don’t bother. He already has enough friends. His friend quota is filled to the brim, though regrettably, to him, they are all comics. How did Dan get to this point? What were the events that brought him to such homogenous surroundings?
Marriage of course! No, not his own marriage. By the way he speaks about the subject, one would think that he was utterly reviled by it. “All my friends from college got married,” he laments. “They were talented artists and musicians, and they gave up on their dreams because their spouses weren’t into it.” Ever the teacher, he explains that you can ‘still be married and pursue what you love’. Dean seems to think that the reason Dan isn’t married is because he hasn’t been hit on by the right elementary school student yet. So it goes… But, in honor of the lame friends who have given up their lives for their women, and possibly for a number of other reasons, Dan hosts the must-see comedy show Friends I Hate every Tuesday at Dick’s Comedy Vault, an uber popular stomping ground for the Boston comedy elite. College students with an ID can get in for a mere $5.
Now, Dean has missed his calling as TV Game Show host, evidenced not only by his ability to come up with whimsical games, but also by his masterful skill in mixing realistic royalty free drum sound effects. What is the game this week? “Are you smarter than a Fifth Grade Teacher?” was supposed to be thematic, but due to inaccuracies on Dan Crohn’s webpage bio, it fell slightly short of its mark. Yet, like always, it was a crowd pleaser. Dean begins, and pits woman of wisdom, Thryn Franz, and the lovable, laughable Chris Timoney against Dan, who is not a fifth grade teacher at all…
Question 1: Which bird is the fastest on foot? Is it a flamingo (The Crimson Wing!), a penguin (a penguin, really, Dean?), and Emu (the Australian wonder bird), an Ostrich (they find the world’s best hiding places), or a turkey (It’s what’s for dinner!)? And other such questions that leave the gang scratching their heads and wondering what really goes on in the Biggie’s brain.
We may never know.
- Joey Phoenix is a Boston based freelance wordsmith who delights in the defiantly unorthodox.